" And it seems strange? Imagining you're a woman?" Yeah. It's not a gay thing, how I think about it. Definitely not gay. Afterwards I hate myself for doing it and I promise I'll stop, never do it again." "You feel guilty." Not exactly," James said, "I think, why do I do it, it's just that it's . . . crazy, perverted. I say I'll stop. I won't do it any more. But then I get the urge and I do it again." Has there been times when you refused to give in to the urge?" Only if I couldn't do it, like if my wife was home, or I had work to do." And how do you feel then?" I don't think I feel anything. I just know I can't so I forget about it." Do you feel anxious?" No. Not that I'm aware of," James said."We're out of time," the therapist said. "I'd like to suggest something, James. Next time you get the urge, don't give in to it and pay attention to how you feel. Specifically if you feel anxious." "Okay. See you next week."James thought about the therapy session as he drove home. He resolved to. While the girls fixed some hoe cakes, their mother said she expected more trouble. "Fred," she said sourly, "that's my so-called husband, he's captain a'this rag-tag bunch. He'll likely be along soon to see how his rape went. The girls, they come home day 'fore yestidday when they found out he wanted them to roger the whole bunch, not jus' the two they wed."So we ate quickly and then I loaded my musket and the four others left behind by the men who were getting wet in the creek. Fred's outfit, Portia said, usually had twelve or fifteen men in it."Loyal?" I asked.She nodded. "They don' really care."Bianca showed that she knew how to load so I put her behind her mother at one window and quickly showed Juliet how to ram home a charge. We had barely got that lesson done when someone hallooed the house."It's him," the girls' mother said with a smile. "Won' he be surprised." She closed the shutters on her side of the door.We had five guns ready with buck and ball, double loads of buckshot..
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